The big day

And so Sunday came around. This big day I'd been building up in my head as something so terrifying.

When I woke up I found myself dragging my heels to get out of bed, not an unusual occurence, I do very much like to stay in bed, the difference being that today I was wide awake, and not feeling particularly tired at all. My mind started picking over details such as what to say?, what will they say?, are we having a drink before we go out or getting straight out the door to go climbing?, should I knock the door or just go in? and so on and so on. Procrastinating. Until I told myself STOP! All I need to do is be myself. It'll be fine!

I picked up my climbing bag for the morning, and a change of clothes to have sunday dinner in, and off I went. I told my mind to just chill out and enjoy. I'm going to spend the day with Keith, I know I'm going to enjoy that.

Spot on time I knock the door, and wait. I'm a little fidgety and nervous, there's a little knot in my stomach, and my mouth has gone dry. It's only a few moments before Keith lets me in, and when I see his smile, the little knot in my stomach is virtually gone. I can see that he is just a little excited to be introducing me to the kids, and less nervous than me I think.

A few moments later, Lewis pops out from the living room in to the hall. Whatever it was he was doing is momentarily forgotten, as he stares, with that innocent, wide eyed curiosity of a 5 yr old, at the stranger in the hall. Then as I do a little awkward wave (probably a little wide eyed myself) and say Hi, he goes a little shy and heads back in to the living room with Nan (Keith's Mom, Sandy). We follow and Keith encourages him to say Hi back, I'm no longer that interesting, and he's soon engrossed again with important 5yr old stuff. I say Hi to Sandy, and Keith and I go to get a drink.

Well, that was easy enough. Not a monster, just a normal 5yr old. As expected it wasn't a big drama. So why do our brains do this to us? Make it feel like something so terrifying? It might be a big deal in some ways, but really not scary at all.

Armed with a drink, we go and find Kaitlin in the front room. A quick introduction, and what d'ya know, no drama here either. A look up from her phone, the briefest moment of assessing me (At 12 she will probably have had her own, pre-meeting thoughts), and then a completely genuine smile and polite 'Hi', that let me know, whether intend or not, that based on first impressions I'm OK.

Phew.

I had a seat on the sofa in the living room while Keith got their things ready and did Kaitlin's hair. It's an every day sort of task for a parent really, but nice to see the plaiting skills!

We then went off to the climbing wall in Kidderminster with Kaitlin. It worked great as a way to meet her. It's something we all like to do, so it was easy to make light conversation. After we'd been climbing for a little while Keith had to pop out to the gents. For the briefest moment I returned back to that awkward nervous kid, and just sat down, next to Kaitlin. Then she showed me some pictures and a video from their day out at the point to point on Saturday, and we were off with a nice bit of conversation about animals and pets. Something very easy for me to talk about, and I relaxed again.

Now I realise why I'd built it up to be a big deal. I wasn't afraid of them being monsters, I wasn't worried really about what we did, or where we went, I was mostly just worried that they wouldn't like me. That's what it all boils down to, that human social need for acceptance. It was just more poignant here because of the relationship. If I'd just been meeting the kids as Keith's friend, I wouldn't have worried at all, but being 'Dad's girlfriend' makes all the difference.

Those couple of minutes chatting alone and taking a break from the climbing, had actually been really nice, and everything just felt that little bit easier for the rest of the morning. We were all pleased with the climbs we had done, although Keith and I were a little dissappointed with our own fitness, as we haven't been climbing for a few weeks, and it felt a little more difficult than it should have!

The next few hours were then spent with Lewis. Kaitlin opted to stay at home, as we were going to have to do a bit of driving around to do some errands. Lewis clearly had no problem talking to me, as he straight away told me how he liked having the music on in the car, and explained how to turn it on, while Keith grabbed a couple of things he'd forgotten from the house.

After the errands were done we went to the yard to see Buddy, my horse. Lewis was totally cool until we got in to the field, and then he went a bit shy. Totally understandable as horses are big, and to small kids they are just plain ginormous! I explained that Buddy likes kids, and sure enough as we got about half way towards Buddy he noticed I'd bought company with me, and came wandering straight over. He was immediatley interested in Lewis and made him giggle by giving him a kiss. He also gave Keith a bit of a bump up the backside as he didn't come with any polos today!

Once out of the field we asked Lewis if he'd like to ride Buddy back to the stable which he did with a big smile all the way, and then he helped me give Buddy his feed before we left him in the stable for the afternoon.

The icing on the cake was when Lewis started skipping on the way back to the car. Kids do these sorts of things completely unconsciously when they feel happy. For some it's a skip, maybe just a bounce to their step, it might be a swing of their arms or for others they might sing or hum, but it's something that just happens when you're happy and content. As we grow up this is often something we stop, mostly because we're told it's silly or childish, perhaps we do it a couple of times when it seems inappropriate in the adult world, and slowly, gradually as it's pointed out to us, we become self conscious too. The creation of inhibitions. It's actually something I try to keep hold of, and every once in a while, when i'm happy, I'll just skip a step or two. Not planned or reasoned, just because. And so, I joined in with skipping back to the car (and then Keith did too ☺💙)

Keith's sister Erika and her boyfriend Dan had arrived while we were out, and after telling them all about the morning we all sat down for a gorgeous Sunday dinner. Having met the rest of the family before, and the morning having gone so well, dinner went by effortlessly, with the normal over dinner, family chit chat, and some terrible jokes.

And so the 'meet the kids' was done. And I only felt a teeny bit daft for worrying so much over nothing!

After the kids had gone back to their Mum's, the rest of us went down to the local pub for a drink. We asked for some darts from behind the bar and played a game of 301. I would say a quick game, but as none of us are darts players and it was just a bit of fun, it wasn't particulalry quick!

What a great day it turned out to be. ☺

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